Networking Is Not Working

Posted by • April 8th, 2010 • 1,056 Comments

Every time I hear someone tell me that they are going to a networking event, my skin crawls. Networking events are meat markets where people size each other up based on utility. The Internet is teeming with recommendations for opening lines, data collection and extraction excuses from the moment you discover that the person in front of you isn’t useful after all.

Seeing other people purely in terms of what they can do for you is the essence of shallow. This is the universe in which sincerity (or authenticity) is the key to success. Somehow, having to work at being sincere or authentic is fundamentally flawed. Of course, if you are trying to be sincere and authentic with a thousand of your really close friends, it probably takes some work. Maybe that’s flawed. What do you think?

Jean Giraudoux, the French playwright is credited with saying, “The secret of success is sincerity. Once you can fake that you’ve got it made.” (He also said, “Only the mediocre are always at their best.”)

The idea that you can get a good job through the objectification of others is mercenary, at least, and sociopathic, at worst. Manipulating others for personal gain is the province of gold diggers and social climbers all over the world. Is that really how you want to be known?

To be sure, there are a few professions where making friendship a commodity is a useful skill. Most of us, however, live in a world where it’s a creepy way to behave. The next time someone suggests that you should ‘network’ your way to success, tell them “not so much.”

Still, you do have to meet people in order to make your way in the world. If meat markets are off the list, what should you do? If a good smile, a handshake and a copy of your resume are not sufficient, where do you begin?

  1. Always pay it forward. In every encounter you have with another person, give more than you take. Being known as a net contributor is worth 75,000 fake smiles.
  2. Join committees that are working to solve problems you care about. Working with other people is infinitely preferable to ‘leveraging their networks.’ Don’t get involved in things that don’t interest you. Being known for your work is worth 100,000 insincere compliments.
  3. Join things because you want to, not because it’s the ‘right thing to do’. Stay away from the Rotary club or the Chamber of Commerce unless you really, really think that rotating and chambering are your life’s calling. Flaking out and not keeping up with your membership is minus 90,000 gold stars.
  4. Read widely about your profession. Stay current on the latest trends and ideas. Being knowledgeable is worth 50,000 conversations with feigned interest.
  5. Always lend a hand when someone you know is in transition. These days, everyone’s life is in some form of disruption. There is no shortage of opportunity. Being a good friend is worth all of the money you will ever make.
  6. Don’t hurry, no matter how desperate you feel. You can’t hurry love and you can’t hurry luck. Being prepared and available is your responsibility. Stay productive. Being relaxed and self-confident is worth 30,000 LinkedIn connections.
  7. Have good boundaries about what you can give and what you can’t. Knowing your limits makes it possible to be reliable. Making too many promises is insincere (see the beginning of this article). Being good for your word is worth all of the other elements combined.

Guest Blogger John Sumser, a member of the Glassdoor Clearview Collection, is the founder and editor-in-chief of HRExaminer, a weekly online magazine about the people and technology of HR. Widely respected as an independent analyst, Sumser has been chronicling and critiquing the HRTechnology industry for eighteen years. During that time, he has consulted with more than 100 HR vendors on matters of strategy and positioning in the market. Prior to his involvement in the HR Technology industry, Sumser was a senior executive in Defense Technology. From large scale software development to naval architecture, he was the leader of tech development teams in a broad variety of settings. His passion is the intersection of people and technology.

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  • girlmeetsgeek

    You can never go wrong with a genuine smile and authentic presence. Great article with incredible pointers. Thank you for speaking out on HUMANIZING networking and looking beyond the 'speed dating' example most networking events give.

  • http://www.geoffpeterson.com/ Geoff Peterson

    Good topic John. I've frequented many recruiting and sourcing conferences over the past two years, all in the name of networking. I think it's worked for the most part. I've made some invaluable connections, and have “connected the dots” with those I know from the online social and business networks (LinkedIn, Facebook, Twitter). You're right though – these events can be meat markets, and I've had people size me up, realize that I can't help them for whatever reason and move on. I'm OK with that. For every few people that was like that, I met at least one solid person that become more than a business card in my rolodex. Networking for me really takes place all day in the social media scene and can say it has brought me business, good contacts and many new friendships I wouldn't have had otherwise.

  • hoopswalt

    What good is a networking event when you're meeting everyone else out of work as well? If you want to connect to with the hiring folks are netwokring meetings the place?

  • pattiyaritz

    LOL as I write this I am putting together a presentation for women to learn to network. With my reputation of being a superconnector I get invited to a lot of events.. I recently have been to several events of organizations I belong to for a reason… where mostly women I have to admit sadly… are there to just promote whatever their own agenda is. Funny thing is when you do all the talking… you don't learn anything about the other person and how you can bring them value… which is what you really want to do. Relationships take time and effort and consistency… Here is a test of networking, become a collector, get everyone else's cards. Listen to their stories. Try just once to get through an event without your own agenda. Go with the predominant attitude of “how can I help?” Then really do something, even something small like a FB or LinkedIn connection or recommendation and see what happens… To become superconnected, your connections must trust and recommend you.

  • joannlefebvre

    This article makes some good points. As with most things in life, it's all about perspective. All of us who network have encountered the stranger who introduces him/herself with their business card in hand, and doesn't come up for air while telling us why we need their product before knowing what our needs are.

    Intuitive networkers have well developed BS detectors. If the only motivation for networking is to make sales pitches, those who do so probably feel that attending a networking event is a chore, and wonder why the effort never seems to bring much reward.

  • joannlefebvre

    This article makes some good points. As with most things in life, it's all about perspective. All of us who network have encountered the stranger who introduces him/herself with their business card in hand, and doesn't come up for air while telling us why we need their product before knowing what our needs are.

    Intuitive networkers have well developed BS detectors. If the only motivation for networking is to make sales pitches, those who do so probably feel that attending a networking event is a chore, and wonder why the effort never seems to bring much reward.

  • http://www.clearcrystalmedia.com/ Chris Peters

    Amen! You have described exactly why I've felt a creepy vibe from people at these social events. I avoid them like the plague. I also appreciate that you provided solutions instead of just describing the problem. Much to think about and very much in line with Seth Godin's concept of “gifts” in his new book, Linchpin.

  • http://www.clearcrystalmedia.com/ Chris Peters

    Amen! You have described exactly why I've felt a creepy vibe from people at these social events. I avoid them like the plague. I also appreciate that you provided solutions instead of just describing the problem. Much to think about and very much in line with Seth Godin's concept of “gifts” in his new book, Linchpin.

  • Samantha

    Thank you so much John for this post!! I've recently moved to North America from a country where there is no “networking culture” but “friendship culture” exists, and I had hard time trying to adopt myself to “meat markets” even though the idea was unnatural for me. Now I understand that the “networking” pushed by different kinds of job-search help organization is a fake and useless, whereas good relationships build through years certainly are a help. Thanks for showing there is another way to success. I'm deeply grateful.

  • sandyjk

    Excellent post John and I wish everyone would approach networking the way I/we, and the folks leaving comments here do: consider it a form of community service, an opportunity to pay it forward and a good karma creator all rolled into one!

    P.S. I write more about this in my book on Amazon – I'm at a Networking Event–Now What??? and would be happy to send you a press copy if you're interested. Just let me know!

  • lisacorreu

    Great post, John. I specialize in working with college/entry level people who are starting the search for their first professional positions and spend a lot of time on networking. To see their terrified faces actually relax when I tell them networking is NOT going to giant gatherings of strangers and asking them for a job is quite rewarding. I encourage a lot of what you touch on and stress the community aspect of networking.
    It doesn't have to be icky.

  • paula9891

    I just attended two loal “job fairs” which I usually avoid like the plague, but since I need to stay in contact with employers, thought best to attend. How sad, the small percentage of employers in attendance for two North of Boston market fair one hosted by Monster – no hospitals, few mfg, yes Raytheon, military, and temporary firms.
    Very disappointing, collected a few pens and business cards – most HR reps. do not bring their personal cards – instruct to go to company web site.