I’m not sure where to even start. I was an APM for 18 months in one of the smaller departments and I'm writing this with an emphasis of extreme subjectivity: I never felt the need to pay for intense, weekly, medication-assisted psychotherapy until I worked for Hallmark.
Before I joined the company, I was told my more than one of my mentors that the number one most important thing for success is who your direct manager is. This could not have been more true based on what I observed and experienced. My observations supported a direct relationship with negative experiences and managers who had unusually high turnover.
In my 18 months at Hallmark I experienced bullying, gossip, intimidation, and unprofessionalism from many of my leaders. Another reviewer wrote "more cliques than high school". I echo that VERY emphatically. It felt like I had been recruited into the world's worst sorority. I made the early mistake of trusting people who did not have my best interests at heart, learning quickly that honesty and integrity did not seem to me to be valued by some (not all, by any means) of the people that I worked for and with.
As far as options for dealing with this through the normal professional channels, I felt isolated to the point where I did not feel like I could discuss any struggles with anyone who could do anything to help. More than one seasoned employee advised me that speaking to Human Resources would not be in my best interest. I did not take this advice and I honestly regret it. If I could go back, I would have taken those early red flags seriously and explored other healthier employment opportunities within the company much sooner. I would not have stayed in the position for 18 months.
In terms of professional growth and development opportunities, I did not have a good experience in this area either, as most often everything felt to me like a popularity contest. Working for a company that strives to make the world a more caring place was somewhat of a double edged sword, as I felt that I was often the recipient of cards and token (small) gifts from people that usually seemed to be intended to manipulate me on an emotional level after I had been knocked down or insulted in a meeting by the person giving me the gift. When I would ask a question or express an opinion or give recommendation, I often felt belittled and dismissed without reason or redirection, leading to me questioning my abilities and eventually silencing me pretty much entirely.
Work/Life balance was essentially nonexistent. I would frequently receive last minute assignments that I would work tirelessly on, more than once staying in the building overnight to finish, only to have the results go unnoticed and ignored when they were completed. If I did get feedback, it usually came in the form of a brief platitude followed by exclusive criticism that was impossible to turn into fuel to do better. I was told frequently to “come with your point of view on XYZ to our next meeting”, but my point of view was always viewed as incorrect. I was never taught, never led, never encouraged. Feedback was forced, not genuine, and usually included a vague and immeasurable goal. I also frequented the office during company holidays (4th of July, Thanksgiving - they turn the air conditioning off during holidays so I do not recommend this habit, though in my case it felt necessary in order to keep my job). Despite every effort from me to be in the office working, it still seemed expected from my superior(s) that I put in even more hours.
After 18 months of giving 110%, I resigned. Getting out of the toxic environment I was working under was the best decision I ever made for my career and myself.
