Ultimately, my biggest concern is that many of my experiences (described below) included multiple managers either as witnesses or participants; meaning I couldn't write this off as "one bad apple." If this is the way business is conducted in the presence of others, I'm concerned with what goes on "behind closed doors." I worry that many of the new hires (not just new to Merck, but new to the industry) probably didn't/don't have the experience or wherewithal to realize if/when they were/are being asked to do something questionable and push-back.
- A few weeks/months after I started, Manager X was discussing travel safety with the CRAs and made what I felt were sexist comments about how some women dress (e.g. asking for attention by wearing short skirts/dresses leading to them being targeted). I filed a report with MSDethics. I checked back periodically for updates, but after a year, still no one had looked into my report; so, I then filed an ethics complaint against MSDethics. - My first one-on-one with a subsequent manager (Manager Y), I was discussing how excited I was to have been assigned to a study for a new vaccine that only affected about 1% of people, based on what I'd googled. Manager Y's response was "Only 1%? Then why are we even doing it?" - There were several detailed reports I created that, per process, required Manager Y review prior to filing in our TMF. I would send them for review with no response, and then would provide a reminder a few weeks later. Manager Y's response was always "I never review those. Go ahead and file it." Not only did he/she break process (by not reviewing), but put me in a position to have to break process as well (by instructing me to file it without it being reviewed). - Manager Y regularly made what I felt were racist comments... For instance, she would talk about the diversity of an area in which I would be working and then, in the same breath, instruct me not to stay in that area without offering any other explanation. It felt very much like she felt she was *warning* me about staying in a diverse area. There was no mention of high crime rates or what, besides diversity, made the area dangerous. I listened to this spiel on multiple occassions. I would have filed an ethics complaint but you've already read how effective that is at Merck. I eventually scheduled a meeting with Manager Y's supervisor to discuss how his/her behavior made me uncomfortable but, as you'll read below, I was never given an opportunity to have that conversation. - One of the study scientists was openly peeved that a trial participant withdrew consent and the effect it had on study targets. He/she kept emailing me about this participant as if I could change it. I repeatedly politely continued reiterating the participant's decision and reasons for it as thoroughly documented in the source, but he/she could not be satisfied with anything other than me somehow gaming the participant back into the trial. When he/she finally realized that I wasn't going to give in, he/she emailed me the following instruction, "Please work with the site to get the patient to agree to..." I remember it so clearly b/c it was clear instruction to engage in coercing the patient in the interest of meeting study targets and at the expense of a participant's right to refuse. It was one of multiple times I had to outright refuse Merck's expectations of me. - I volunteered to fill-in for a colleague who was missing work due to a natural disaster. During this time, I kept things moving for that colleague's sites by collecting a few final documents needed for the sites to be Initiated so that, when the colleague returned, she could jump right back in and Initiate them without losing more time. However, once I collected those documents, I received several emails from managers telling me to author the Initiation Reports and Initiate the sites. I responded with excerpts from both internal process and ICH GCP E6 R2 about how I was not an appropriate person to author their Reports and Initiate them b/c I only played a minimal role in their Initiation activities, and had not verified their other activities myself to confirm that they were ready to be Initiated. By authoring their Reports, I would have been putting my name on work that I had not completed/verified. The emails persisted, however, that I activate my colleague's site in her absence. I finally just quite responding to those emails that evening, The next morning, Manager Y scheduled a meeting that was just me and three other Managers trying to get me to agree to Initiate the sites. I again referenced internal process and ICH GCP E6 R2 and flatly stated that I was not comfortable bypassing process at all, but especially not in the interest of speed rather than quality. The managers kept pushing. I told them that I cared about my work and that, should that site/study get audited in the future, it would be me whom this fell back on as a potential violation. They continued pushing until I flat out said "No, I'm not doing this," and suggested that one of those managers be the one to send the sites their activation email, but oddly enough, they declined. Manager Y's final response was "Well, if you won't agree to do this, I'll just find another CRA who will." I was quite proud of how I managed to handle this professionally and without compromising my integrity, especially considering I was the only non-manager in this. I wish, however, that my integrity had been met with encouragement rather than treated as an inconvenience. - Manager Y's style, in my experience, was negative reinforcement. In my last year-ish at the company, I received a promotion and three salary raises (for those who suspect that I may not have been a quality employee). Contributions such as the one described above not only went unacknowledged but were then used against me. Another time, I had worked 24 hours in the past 48 hours and was very proud of my contributions. I was looking forward to keeping my momentum going for that week. The next morning, within a few minutes of me logging on, Manager Y called me and crushed all positivity I had for my work. He/she said someone forwarded an email or a screen shot of an email (it was never really clear to me) and that I was "Not good... not good... not good... and cold" in that email. I started audibly crying and said I didn't think I would be able to work the rest of the day. His/her response was that this is how he/she provides "feedback" and that I should, literally, walk it off... "Go take a walk and then come back and check your emails." I reminded him/her that I was a human being and could not just shut that off. I managed to work about half a day then logged off. I messaged him/her the next day and said that I could not and would not work that day b/c I had reflected on how hard I had been working but was nevertheless only met with negativity (I had worked on Sundays/holidays/PTO, covered for colleagues, trained new team members etc). I could not set down at my computer without crying. Ultimately, from what I could understand, the root issue again was that I would not Initiate a site who had not completed all their Initiation activities. Many colleagues would send positive notes about me to Manager Y (I know this b/c I was copied on the emails/notes), and he/she only ever responded once, not appreciatively but rather to critique me on one of the things my colleague had just acknowledged me for. This was the norm from Manager Y... only negative reinforcement. Monthly one-on-ones with him/her were the low point of my month. I would not be able to sleep the night before the meeting b/c I knew I would be met with him/her either saying something negative or trying to get me to break process. I dreaded talking to him/her alone. And the negativities were never counter-balanced with anything positive. Other occurrences... I messaged him/her once stating that I wasn't feeling well and would call in to the team meeting but then would be logging off for the day after that. His/her response was, "Can you give a presentation on XYZ during the meeting?" I responded saying, "I would, but I don't feel well." Not to mention it was five minutes before the start of the meeting and I had no time to prepare. The point of this though, is that his/her response was to ask me to work harder instead of "Ok, thanks for calling in anyway and feel better." I could feel his/her negativity coming during our final one-on-one for the year. I again started crying and explained how that management style had been affecting me and that I didn't trust him/her b/c of the times I was expected to break process. He/she came back and said they would try to change their style with me, but... About a month (or less) later, Manager Y scheduled a meeting with me to discussed how I write my action items. There was an Action Item expert on the call as well (Manager Z). One issue with an action item I had written was that I didn't include a site staff member's name within in it. I pointed out that it would have been a privacy issue for me to include the name b/c that particular staff member had not provided a disclosure permitting me to do so. Manager Y again just kept pushing, saying it didn't matter. I kept referencing Merck process (not to mention the industry-wide privacy issues with PHI), but Manager Y was not concerned with process. Bottom line, he/she wanted the name in the action item. Again, this would have come back on me in the event of an audit/inspection. The point of this excerpt is to illustrate that, even after communicating my issues to Manager Y and him/her stating they would change their style, less than a month later he/she showed me that they were not serious about it. Manager Z was on the line as well but was not pushing me one way or another. Manager Y didn't seemed concerned about promoting breaking process even in the presence of other managers. After this, I scheduled a meeting with Manager Y's supervisor to discuss the ongoing behavior of Manager Y. However, I was placed on administrative leave a few days later for getting a traffic ticket. For everyone's information... I was driving home on a Saturday, in my personal car, and supposedly crossed the center line at some point. I was pulled over, ticketed, and at some point the cop asked me to do a breathalyzer, to which I responded "If that's not something that I *have* to do, then it's not something I want to do." For those picturing this in their mind, I was calm and collected the whole time (I have video recording). I was not loud and destructive and in the cop's face as you might be imagining. I was sexually assaulted by an officer as a teenager, and am not particularly keen on being obedient to them. Merck discovered this ticket and Manager Y and his/her boss called to discuss with me. I told them this as well except for the part about the assault. They stated they were going to do an Ethics Investigation (which made me scoff in my mind - see first paragraph above) while I was on administrative leave. My meeting with Manager Y's boss overlapped with my administrative leave and he/she did not call to conduct the meeting with me as previously planned/scheduled. About a week later, Manager Y and his/her boss called me again to inform me that I was fired b/c, according to a training I took three years ago, refusing a breathalyzer is a fireable offense; and also b/c they provided me with a fact-finding form about the incident which I never returned to them. I did not consider my response to the breathalyzer request a refusal, but that is besides the point. Twice, I inquired as to where they sent the fact-finding form b/c I never received any such document, but they would not provide this information. So, my suspicion is that it was sent to my work email, which they locked me out of as part of administrative leave. Either that or they never actually sent it. Again, I was calm and collected, not hysterical. Additionally, they stated I was also being fired for not self-reporting the traffic violation. However, the day after receiving the citation, I logged on to the fleet services website and went to the "Violations" tab to see if it looked like I needed to report anything. The only information there was that for the company car (VIN, make, model, etc.). Since I had no violations in the company car, I moved on thinking my experience in my personal car was not applicable. So, I was fired for unwittingly breaking a process outside of work. I have no doubt that I had, at some point, been trained on the forced breathalyzer requirement, but this is not one of the many things I'm thinking about when trying to get through an interaction with police. Not to mention, Manager Y regularly and knowingly broke process and encouraged me to do the same. Truthfully, I wouldn't have done anything differently even if I had remembered Merck's requirement. In my experience, police are often concerned with taking your power away and, in this instance, it felt to me as though that is also what Merck was more concerned with. Even after firing me, however, they have not fully released me. 3-4 weeks later, I received a call from one of my sites with whom I had previously scheduled an on-site visit that day. Manager Y never informed them that I was no longer employed with Merck and they were prepared and expecting me, thinking that I was standing them up. Approximately two months after my firing, I received another call from an internal Merck colleague (another manager) stating she had been trying to email me about one of my sites but the email kept coming back undeliverable. I had actually resigned to not leaving a review, but I received this second call while I was on a hike last week and it made me feel mildly sick. Now, over a year after I repaid my tuition benefit, they have hired a collections agency to harass me. I have the confirmation that I repaid the tuition and even paid a $30 wire transfer fee to expedite/overnight the payment to ensure that issue was settled promptly. Just to say it, if anyone has read this far, I recognize this may be "too much" for a Glassdoor review and I have no delusions that this review is going to affect Merck in the slightest. I'm not trying to "take them down." They'll survive probably longer than I do. But my Merck experience was going to live inside me like a tumor forever if I didn't get it off my chest somehow.