Pros
If I could give this place zero stars I would—unfortunately glassdoor’s rating system doesn’t let you go that low. If you must work at Tave (and I am sure that there are a few of you who will) below are 10 heartfelt suggestions for survival:
Cons
1. Arrive promptly at 7:30 a.m. and leave at 6:30 p.m. – it doesn’t matter if you actually complete anything during these hours, management will, by virtue of your mere physical presence assume that you have a fantastic work ethic and you will be rewarded accordingly. 2. Defer all decision making, logical thought, or really any higher brain functions to the principal—the goal is complete deference and subservience. You must have no will other than the will of management. Initiative or any real effort is not valued or rewarded—the perception of both is all that really matters. 3. Become a devotee of Hinesburg’s Uncertainty Principle—the meeting is simultaneously alive and dead. It is impossible to predict the outcome until the meeting time arrives and the calendar is observed. 4. Recall the scene in the Stephen King movie Carrie where the lead character is crowned prom queen and then promptly covered in pigs’ blood? Recall the telekinetic slaughter that followed? Take comfort in the knowledge that the Monday morning meeting will be (most days) marginally better than being slaughtered by telekinesis, but not quite better than being doused in pigs’ blood. 5. Befriend your inner lone wolf and cultivate the appearance of barely contained hostility—relationships with coworkers are actively discouraged. In fact, an atmosphere of distrust and competition is carefully cultivated by management to encourage increased productivity. Blame mongering is actively encouraged. 6. Embrace the bottleneck—that project you thought could be finished early? Yeah that’s not going to happen. It will sit (sometimes for months) on management’s desk or inbox. Don’t worry though, on the one day you had plans to leave on time or take a vacation day that’s when the project will demand complete and immediate attention. 7. Reject the illusion of the personal life, maintaining the illusion will only cause you pain. Like a phantom limb you may feel an occasional lingering presence. Don’t worry this will pass as friends and family members fade into mere memory. 8. Master the art of bladder control. Bathroom visits are monitored and lingering in the stall is actively discouraged. 9. Relationships with clients, carriers and other business contacts is actively discouraged—all communications are strictly monitored and critiqued. That two-line email to a client that you just hit send on—recall the moment that the Arch Duke was assassinated at the outset of WWI? Recall the death tolls and the utter destruction in Europe? Recall the smell of death and feces? Yeah your email just caused that. 10. Have an exit plan—know that everyone is in the same sinking boat—yup. It is a downhill ride that is actively picking up steam. The current business model is completely unsustainable and it only a matter of time before the company implodes. I hope that the above tips prove useful. Best of luck in your future endeavors. May they lead you far, far away from TaveRM.
